I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner.
Amazon Prime would be a good title for a Wonder Woman movie.
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I loathe tweets like “Be somebody’s beautiful tragedy”. Might as well tweet using a random word generator.
“Be golf brisket honkytonk”
My neighbors are being loud and I wanted to yell at them but I didn’t want them to know it’s me so I found a clip of a woman yelling SHUT UP and played it at full volume
The extra hour from Daylight Saving Time gave me the opportunity to get so much more housework done!
I didn’t do any of it.
But I certainly had the opportunity.
If I’m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it’s called self care
-Elephants who just saw The Peanuts Movie
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19
If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink).