Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched.
Both their phones must’ve been stolen.
An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store because his mom wouldn’t buy him a Mars bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him.
You Might Also Like
*slips on a banamna peel* *lifts up banamna peel w/ end of pen* somone get the detective,. somwhere out there, theres a nude banana
Humans: Okay, so
Dog Negotiator: Yes
Dog Negotiator: Absolutely. We’ll do it
Humans: I haven’t even
Dog Negotiator: I love you
My phone told me my screen time was up 82% last week and honestly nobody asked you
I can never remember if it’s “laying” or “lying.”
Anyway, I hit a dude with my car and he’s doing one of them in the middle of the road. 🙁
The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I’m cured.
date: this is so romantic
me: just the two of us
date: and the stars
me: and the moon
the moon: *winks at my date*
me: *narrowing eyes* son of a-
doctor: describe your morning routine
me: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance
doctor: I said m-o-r-n-i-n-g
me: I know how it’s spelled
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.