People who put a strip of bacon on a donut, where does it end? You wanna put a braised lambshank on my cupcake? Why don’t I open up my chocolate croissant and you can shove a live trout in it
An app that scans phone lines for fax machines and sends the word “why”.
You Might Also Like
I bet it’s tough being a police sketch artist in China.
“OMG why am I so sore?”
*Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday*
My husband let me sleep in late and then made me pancakes.
Someone please let Dateline know my death was absolutely premeditated.
Before you call me, ask yourself, “Can I text it?”
Before you text me, ask yourself, “Can I email it?”
Before you email me, ask yourself, “Can I just think it really, really hard?”
I can’t believe women used to have to wear shoulderpads, i’m so grateful menstruation moved to the vagina in the 90s.
This day in history. 2000. International Mother Language Day recognizes the cultural significance of such phrases as “Don’t make me come over there!” and “Because I said so!”
Hiring Manager: How do you see yourself moving up within this organization?
Me: I’d use the elevators
Me: Elevators, Sir.
A woman sold her bathwater for $50 a bottle and I’m absolutely disgusted because mine are only selling for $30.