@AngelaEhh

An app that tells you the cleanest highway bathrooms. Why isn’t this a thing yet.

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@CptBombs75

Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves

@MondayPajamas

Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.

@lisaxy424

my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo*

when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions

@Rollinintheseat

If history has taught me anything, it’s that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room.

@Reverend_Scott

Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.

@Canadian_Cutie_

Him: do you swallow

Me: Yes

*walks away mumbling. How else do you think I eat. Idiot

@LoriLuvsShoes

A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair

@adamof_alltrade

How do I know I’m Canadian?

An AI pedestrian in Grand Theft Auto just sneezed and I said “Bless You” outloud for nobody to hear.