Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves
An app that tells you the cleanest highway bathrooms. Why isn’t this a thing yet.
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Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo*
when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions
If history has taught me anything, it’s that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room.
Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
We grew up in the golden age of cartoons.
Him: do you swallow
*walks away mumbling. How else do you think I eat. Idiot
My husband hates his new job as my IT guy.
A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair
How do I know I’m Canadian?
An AI pedestrian in Grand Theft Auto just sneezed and I said “Bless You” outloud for nobody to hear.