@LoveNLunchmeat My debate style is more like Teddy Roosevelt. I carry a big stick in one hand, a sword in the other, and wait for you to agree.
@fsuflores An ice bucket challenge …
But for when teenagers don’t want to get out of bed and get ready for school.
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@LoveNLunchmeat 
@lyric_intent [Broken Air Conditioner]
Her:*sweaty* how did the pioneers ever survive without A/C?
*sweating audibly* well, they’re all dead, aren’t they?
@alexlumaga By age 35 you should be at least 35 years old
@WilliamAder Me: This “Fear the Walking Dead” show is really creepy.
Wife: This is the Video Music Awards.
@70Ceeks honey it’s not what you think- we were planning your surprise funeral
@TheHatStore me: [climbing a tree]
bonsai artist: please stop
@shanethevein I’m sorry I punched you when you said “Facebook me”.
I thought you said “Face punch me”.
@krisv_723 I’m wearing black today so powdered sugar donuts seem like a solid choice.
@KKAlThani If you set someone free, love them. Wait I mean, if you love someone for free, set them. That doesn’t make sense. Forget it.
@HeelyRiddler for all #parents out there
