I hope my kids are impressed with how resourceful the Easter Bunny is for filling eggs with steeply discounted Valentine’s Day candy.
An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.
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Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder.
The government be like “please throw your grandma into an active volcano, the economy demands a sacrifice”
I just read a short, astounding opening sentence that employs a semicolon, so that it will alienate all those who are put off by semicolons, but uses it incorrectly, so that it will also alienate those who aren’t.
divorces should not cost money. you should actually get the money you spent on the wedding back, or at the very least, store credit.
True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.
Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they’ve fallen asleep on the train.
If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?
I bet this guy blaring Limp Bizkit can recommend a good defense attorney
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
*sees several cars pull up to neighbor”s house*