I HAVE A LITTLE MERMAID BAND-AID UNDER MY EYE CAUSE I’M IN A GANG NOW.
And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
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Me: Excuse me sir, can you please forward my X-ray and breast exam results to my doctor
“My great-grandma went to jail for making moonshine” was probably not the family history topic my son’s teacher expected.
Apple CEO announces he’s gay. Samsung CEO announces he’s more gay and water resistant.
“The toilet’s blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-”
[Bowser spits coffee]
Who did this?
Some fairy tales start with “once upon a time”. Others start with “If I won the elections”.
[opens jar of olives and pours them in my garden]
“Now grow to be a restaurant”
:office birthday party:
CW: Would you like to sign the card?
Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand.
CW: His name is Joe.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out..you have issues bro