“If you clean it, they will come. .. and destroy it. … immediately” Field of Dreams 2, Housecleaning w/ Kids
And then alcohol said “Put that on facebook, it’s hilarious.”
But alcohol was wrong.
So very wrong.
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SPOUSE: I have to work late Thursday
OUTER MONOLOGUE: I am going to miss you
INNER MONOLOGUE: I am going to eat something very stupid
Cop: Know why I pulled you over?
I’m in a High Occupancy lane
Cop: Yes…wait IS THAT A JOINT?
Yeah I’m HIGH lol
Cop: My bad, free to go
Mad scientist- Checks for Labs
Bartender- Checks for Tabs
Boxer- Checks for Jabs
Uber- Checks for Cabs
Your back – Checks for Stabs
doctor: we’re going to put you to sleep now. have you done this before?
me: yes, every night
Judging by this sunburn, I’d say the sunscreen I lathered on earlier was SPF goddamn liar.