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@BlackCatBettie: And then God made Saturn.
And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
@EndhooS: [Retirement party]
Boss: After working here for 38 years, what was the highlight of your career?
Me: [shrugs] Glen brought his dog in once…
@stevevsninjas: Swiss cheese was invented when some cheesemakers were shooting the bries.
@Elifcello: "Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends." - Cargo Pants
@copymama: “Wait, the video is almost over!” - any kid with 17 minutes left on their video
@ckretmsage: I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have:
Really shitty handwriting in the dark.