Way ahead of you, “cashless society.”
ANIMALS IT’S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA
2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR
3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark
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interview tip #86
be honest when asked about yourself
interviewer: so tell me about yourself
me: not without my lawyer present
Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics…you know, just like a real spider.
My wife and I spell out words so our toddler won’t understand what we’re saying, but we both spell like shit so we can’t understand what we’re saying either.
Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink
Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea
Arnold Palmer: Mmm… its good… I just invented it.
All human beings are threads interwoven in the great tapestry of life, except for that one guy at your office. What the hell is his problem?
My wife told me we need a new bathroom scale a week ago, but today she let me know that it wasn’t something she wanted for Valentine’s Day.
If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she’s high maintenance.
i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives