Every television should come with the volume setting, “Eating Chips”.
Annoying to think of how many lives on the Titanic could have been saved if only they had seen the movie.
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I can eat Rice Krispy Treats for breakfast, because I’m an adult!
But hiding in the bathroom, because I’m a mom.
“This restaurant is so good I came twice,” she says.
“When was the other time you ate here?” he asks.
“Oh, no, this is my first time here.”
*walks in stumbling*
Jesus, Paul how much have you had?!?
“Just a couple shots”
Oh that’s not bad then
*flashback to Paul injecting heroin*
Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone(Absence of special lady creates cataclysmic world ending event)
doctor: get ready to say ‘aah’
me: why are we on the roof
“Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
You forgot to practice
We miss you
Fine good luck flirting with french girls you monolingual crétin
“The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead”
– Bedtime at George R.R. Martin’s house