Maybe someone just charmed the pants off of Winnie the Pooh.
Polar Bear: “You hated your wife didn’t you, Pingu!”
Walrus Judge: “Careful Mr Prosecutor. You’re on very thin ice”
Polar Bear: “Your honor, permission to approach the bench”
Walrus: “No. I…”
*Polar Bear takes step forward, plunges through melting ice
You Might Also Like
“Cody, for the last time, it’s still a carburetor even when it’s in a van”
“Or a truck”
God: you can breathe underwater!
God: also eat and drink underwater.
Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?
Fish: just on the land or something?
Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call
90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you’re OK with it.
“Hello darkness my old friend.”
Darkness: I’m not lending you any money.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Dad was probably bluffing when he said he’d turn the car around after driving 198 miles of a 200 mile trip but WE COULDN’T TAKE THAT CHANCE.
Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say “I love you” and “I hate you” at the same time