Life is like a box of chocolates,
The good ones are always gone before I get there!
Any governments / terrorist groups looking to rule by fear should get some tips from spiders.
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Did you know that when you meet an Indian you can CHOOSE not to mention slumdog millionaire?
At this point I feel like MTV is just trying to scare old people.
it’s not abuse if the substance likes it.
Let’s begin by pushing a Nickleback album onto every ISIS phone.
Me: *Sitting in traffic*
Cop: Get back in your car
El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.
me: can we go to the steakhouse?
him: stop calling the barn that. you’re making the cows nervous
No one in movies or TV shows ever properly freak out when they see someone eat sauce off a wooden spoon then put the spoon that they just licked back in the sauce.