How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?
Any song about love can also be about eating spicy food.
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HER: I’m from outside London.
ME: Nearly the entire world is outside London.
The downside to being such a good man is all the s*xual excitement it evokes in my admirers. As such, I’ve had to create a series of automated messages in my DMs to deal with all the s*xy texting requests
BOSS: why are you late?
She said she liked it doggy style…
…but when I threw the frisbee, she didn’t even budge.
Its like they say, don’t judge a apple by its color because it might be a orange.
Husband:-“So when you starting back at the gym”?
H:-“Because you need to”
His funeral takes place next week.
Whipped cream – Yes
Sriracha – No
When customers come in 6 hours before closing
Karen: I was so desperate for an answer i even consulted a magic 8-ball!
Me: Cocaine is never the answer, Karen