@TheAlexNevil

Anyone can be a hero:
Make a child smile
Rescue a kitten from a tree
Reverse Earth’s rotation to prevent an earthquake from killing your girlfriend

You Might Also Like

@addy_maybe

if i ever got a tattoo it would be something meaningful in Chinese but deliberately misspelled to say, like, may all your trees be cantaloupes, so smug smart people would sneer at me but i’d privately be judging THEM for being pompous jerks guess how many friends i have

@NikkiReimer

My husband is in the other room explaining to the cat that even tho we are going to bed early, he (the cat) is welcome to stay up

@mela_shea

[inventing potato chips]

CEO: they’re so fragile, how will they be packaged?

Inventor: in a sturdy box

CEO: nah, let’s go with a bag

Inventor: but they’ll get crushed!

CEO: fill the bag with air

Inventor:

CEO: really strong air

@ObscureGent

Find a penny pick it up and all day long you’ll have an obsolete form of currency in your pocket.

@WhatsAGreenhorn

*experiencing the extremely obvious consequences of my actions*

The universe is so mysterious

@Darlainky

They don’t put calorie counts or serving suggestions on boxed wine. They know you’ve got enough problems already.