@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?

You Might Also Like

@Robert_Beau

Maybe the refrigerator doesn’t see anything it wants in you either.

@pizzajaynow

I’ve spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law’s killer, but no one is willing to do it.

@Rachelnoise

Him: Whatcha thinkin about?

Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.

@HatfieldAnne

It’s a 50% chance the dental floss on the floor is mine, but until I wrestle it back into the trash, I’m treating it like a cobra at large.

@bazecraze

If you think it’s hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.

@sageboggs

“What should we call the 5th month?”
May I suggest-
“Great suggestion. May it is”

@RickAaron

Me: I just used my debit card to buy some running shoes.
Coworker: New Balance?
Me (turning red): Fourteen dollars & 23 cents.

@NervousJr

My family is starting to catch on to my “I died” excuse.

@BoogTweets

[at a wake]

Me: *closes coffin to set my drink down* so, what are you doing after this

Widow: wow

@jellybnbonanza

My daughter is playing “Away in a Manger” on the recorder if anyone wanna come over.