@GiggleQueen2018

Anyone else notice the world starting to get worse after Iron Man died?

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@TrueTorontoGirl

I was thinking about going jogging and after I stopped laughing I made a sandwich.

@briancthayer

*licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back*

Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist.

@BW_Jones

There are unfortunate spelling errors, and then there’s this.

@juliussharpe

I think Yahoo! news is written by someone who’s had significant head trauma.

@Browtweaten

Wife: The soap recipe calls for essential oils

Me: *pours*

Wife: And now lye

Me: I’m *not* attracted to several of the Muppets

Wife: What

Me: What

@LeBearGirdle

Me: [from table] gar?on! *claps hands* another round for my date and me.

McDonald’s cashier: sir, you have to come to the counter to order

@Parkerlawyer

Before my daughter went to college I made her watch her birthing video, just to remind her how badly one fun night at a keg party can end.