@GiggleQueen2018

Anyone else notice the world starting to get worse after Iron Man died?

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@piranhapanorama

Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win.

@paigellwanger97

i could miss 4 days of school in a row in HS and have all A’s and you zone out for 38 seconds in college and ur grade goes from a B to a G

@Shock_Monster

How To Get Rich:

1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson.

2. Empty it the next day.

3. Become a millionaire.

@pmann555

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

@lisaxy424

My neighbor broke up w her bf and piled all his stuff on the curb and I just added a boxspring to it bc I’ve been meaning to get rid of it

@UncleDuke1969

The ‘theme’ of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Of course I care about ethical farming practices and proper nutrition. My eggs came from chickens who were fed only the finest vegetarians.

@NervousJr

Hey everyone who says aliens don’t exist.

Explain morning people.