@awesomeseank

Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie.

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@jilltwiss

My best guy friend and I vowed if we’re still single at 45, we def won’t marry each other because who wants to marry someone no one likes?

@jellybnbonanza

Attention: All employees will be required to bring their own toilet paper until further notice.

-Management

@Moi_RaRa

How much to learn the thriller dance moves?

“Ma’am… this is senior citizens Zumba class!”

@AbbyHasIssues

No thanks, $30 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.

@pixelatedboat

This Easter, please take a moment to remember Jesus and his inspiring message for mankind:

@jaeIeon

I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere