Scar didn’t murder Mufasa. It’s a cat’s natural instinct to knock things off ledges
Anytime any man has ever asked, “Who’s your daddy?” during sex, I’ve always responded by loudly saying my father’s first, middle, and last names.
Happy father’s day.
You Might Also Like
It’s the 13th anniversary of “Umbrella”. What a good excuse for…
ME: Good morning
TODDLER: I don’t want to be a mermaid. I want to be a shark with legs.
Realtor: this house is cursed
Me: *scared of the supernatural* oh no
Realtor: WITH AN EXTREMLY REASONABLE MARKET PRICE
Me: oh ok
Realtor: on account of the bleeding walls and ritual sacrifices
Me: Oh No
I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
You’re the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye.
Today I learned drinking electrolytes does not give you electrical powers. must now find other ways to become a super villainess
A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it’s actually one of the only games you can’t lose twice
how do i become less stubborn? i’m willing to try nothing
Brain : I’ll sleep early tonight
Internet : Hahaha
TV : Hahaha
Books : Hahaha
Insomnia : Hahaha