Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@crunchyslice

Break up with your boyfriend. I have coloring books at my house

@ArfMeasures

PET SHOP OWNER: So would u like a puppy for your son?
ME: Yes

[home]
WIFE: Where’s Tommy?
ME [with a puppy] ok so they offered me this deal

@skittle624

High heels are beautiful and sexy until you wear them for 5 minutes and want to throw them against a wall.

@Jinxy00

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like BBs, rub one ball & everything moves.

@JordyHamrick

Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he’s not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.

@Shenanigans_luv

We found Dove in a soapless place

@ThaJawn

Dinosaurs probably spelled Tuesday, ‘Ptuesday’

@Parkerlawyer

Came home to find 13 doing the dishes without being asked.

Now I’m just waiting on the police to get here with the news of whatever he did.

@HenpeckedHal

me: so I just check out women all day?

grocery store manager: please stop saying it like that

@djdarrellripley

I was gonna say “that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” but, I wanna wait to hear what you have to say next..

#CancelDJDarrellRipley