@SkinnerSteven: Apparently a 'Defibrillator' doesn't make someone tell the truth
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@AbbyHasIssues: I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table.
@imdaintyaf: Me: What's the point if it's not a little violent, dirty? I wanna feel alive. The blood makes me feel ALIVE. Dentist: Please just floss more
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what did you like the least about your last job? Me: my coworkers were just the worse I: it says here that you were a stay at home dad Me: that is correct