@SkinnerSteven: Apparently a 'Defibrillator' doesn't make someone tell the truth
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@therepoguy: If your wife says "take out the trash" do not reply with "you cooked it you take it out."
@OtherDanOBrien: Friend (seeing my bookcases): Wow, have you read all of these books? Me: Have you? Friend: No. Me: Then yes. Yes I have.
@SardonicTart: I don't go to the circus. Not because I'm scared of clowns, but because I'm scared of people who go to the circus.