@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them.
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@ElgatoEsmio: [DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff
@marcgravell: 8yo: "I've put my tooth in my room but I'm not saying where - it is to see if the tooth fairy is real or not" - this shit just got real
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"