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@Roohani19: Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".
@SortaBad: Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion
@CHUUZUZ: It's been 7 years since Prince told Kim Kardashian to get off the stage.
@parker287: My friend's crazy, he left a bunch of chocolate balls on the floor in his cat's litter box, they're not that good.
@ramblinma: Me: "Do that thing I like."
Husband: *orders pizza*
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot!
Priest: This is communion...
M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr-