@HotlinkStrahota

Apparently Hooters is a great place to meet single dads on a Sunday.

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@jonnysun

be careful when u talk baby talk to a baby becuase if u dont understand what ur saying u may acidentaly be declaring war in baby langauge

@iamspacegirl

a guy told me his name was Drazen earlier and he did not appreciate me asking if that was short for dried raisin

@caithuls

YOU (trying to insult me): I bet you’re fun at parties
ME (insulted but the wrong way): I am not! How dare you

@JamieFord

WHY ARE WE ALLOCATING EMERGENCY AID FOR THE ARTS?

Screamed by people who have been watching Netflix, reading books, and playing video games for 18 hours/day.

@D2_Barney_McG

I thought twerking was tweeting at work

That’s how out of the loop I am

@Mr_goose007

Auto correct tries to change the word “pussies” to “Aussies”…. Just saying.

@HereComesCunty

1990’s: *gets knocked down* *gets up again*

2020’s: *gets knocked down* *gets up* *washes hands* *burns clothes* *initiates contact tracing*