We can teach kids there’s no “i” in team but it’s way more important to teach them that there’s no “a” in definitely.
Apparently I’m no longer allowed to walk my pet on public streets because it’s “scaring children” and “a crocodile.”
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*dies while ironically wearing a fedora*:
oh no, this is part of my forever ghost outfit now
You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards.
How did girls text before emojis?
Hey I can’t wait to see you tonight! PARTY HAT MARTINI GLASS NOISEMAKER BEER MUG CAT DOG SUNGLASSES POOP
I’m wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.
You: Five second rule!
Pet owners: lol
The cranberries used to write songs that would get stuck in your head, in your heeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Is it wrong to eat a Blueberry Muffin that looks just like your dog?!
A gag order but for people that go “ahhhh” after every sip of coffee.
Apparently If ur BF says “if anything happens to me,I want u to meet someone new….”
“anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in