If Wonder Woman and Spider-Man go into business together, they should call it Amazon Web Services.
Apparently Mr. Neeson’s “particular set of skills” is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped.
You Might Also Like
Me: I close my office door every day and nap for an hour without anyone noticing.
Interviewer: I’m not sure I’d call that a ‘strength.’
when a commercial says “available wherever books are sold” it sounds like they don’t know where books are sold
“Here kitty, kitty, kitty”
– me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon
I may not know much about a lot of things, but this fact I’m sure of:
A smoke detector battery will never go dead during the day.
Critics agree that plot considerations did not justify the near-constant nudity in your film “How To Safely Use A Ladder In The Workplace”
“mainstream” = “white people found out”
MEN: if your date is cold, don’t just stand there; be a gentleman and allow her to cut you open so she can crawl inside and keep warm
“My friend got me a Fitbit”
ME: Oh yeh, heard of them, haven’t got one tho
“u can buy them online”
ME [whispering] u can buy friends online?
A poster with a mugshot saying “Have you seen this man”
So I rang up and said No.
You have to do your bit for society .