@good_one_rick: Apparently my kids think, “Be quiet for a half hour so I can take a nap,” actually means, “Host a rave in the hallway.”
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@P1ssed_K1d: AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!
@pyepar: Left home on Friday night, got bck home on Monday night. Grandma: U kids dnt knw hw 2 party, wen I ws ur age, I'd come back after a month
@vineyille: My self driving car crashes into the amazon go store, aisle after aisle of destroyed canned goods are automatically added to my order