@CraigChamberlin: Apparently "What inning is it?" is not a valid Football related question. Sports are hard.
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@pienar: texting my crush “hey infant” instead of baby so they know i’m smart and regularly use my thesaurus
@MarlaCaceres: Give a toddler a crayon and he will eat that crayon. Teach him how to color and he will eat more crayons.
@AimeeHelene1: I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor. And that's how you accidentally get bangs.
@BrettDruck: What's it like to work in customer service/retail? Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.