DATE: Did you know a octopus can slip through any hole his beak can fit?
ME: …haha no.
ME: *tearing apart my almost-finished octopus jail blueprints*
Apparently “You should Google it” isn’t the best response when she asks how much do you love me?
Sigh, women are so demanding..
You Might Also Like
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / their like, is this organic? do u hav a vegan option? can u make it with froyo insted
You say “premarital sex” like there’s postmarital sex
I make sure my husband thinks about me during the workday by packing him a sandwich that also falls apart for no reason.
I don’t understand Dentists. I’m sitting here with like.. knitting needles in my mouth and they think I can answer stupid questions.
To save a bit of money on e-cigarettes I’ve started to roll my own batteries.
I’ve got these gifted children and I want to know how long it is before I can re-gift them.
I’m not usually vengeful, but when I am it’s because someone gave my kid a whistle.
Me: No, you hang up first
Pizza Hut: *click*
I feel so bad for people who don’t like sports. They never experience the thrill of maybe being happy once every 10-20 years