Listen, TV “debate” moderators, if I wanted to watch people talk past each other, I’d just pay attention to my family.
Apparently you’re not supposed to tell “That’s what she said jokes” during the Board meeting because it’s “inappropriate”
You Might Also Like
Is it wrong to eat a Blueberry Muffin that looks just like your dog?!
MY BULLY (age 9): Here he comes, the guy with the worst comebacks on the planet.
ME: Shut it Trevor. Your dad should be the next Batman.
For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth’s equator, most of them would drown.
Friend: What are you going to make for Thanksgiving?
Me: Probably a scene.
you’re born holding the world record for “newest baby” but the very first thing you do is lose that record to a newer baby. welcome to life.
My kid: Hurts his eye putting on safety goggles
Alanis Morisette: *deep breath*
Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.
[any baby is born]
society: first thing we gotta do is teach it animal sounds