Husband Bear: Honey! I’m home!
Wife Bear: For God’s sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?
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Makes a girlfriend in IIT. Breaks up with her. Adds Ex IITian in bio.
*walks into Forever 21*
*gets pulled aside*
Umm, we don’t really mean FOREVER.
She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight?
Me: But darling i’m a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?
Sweep her off her feet, but not like the bad guy from Karate Kid.
Some BUNNY once told me the world was gonna roll me.
— an Easter egg
what the signs deserve in 2019:
Leo: okay now
Virgo: that they’ve
Libra: stopped reading
Scorpio: i think
Sagittarius: animal crossing
Capricorn: for switch
Aquarius: might have
Pisces: pigeons as townspeople
Just walked up to a white van in the parking lot and it literally sped away.
*Rage eats candy
I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I’m on it and that’s not what’s happening.
I thought I’d lose tons more weight if I drank extra glasses of water every day, but I guess I was just diluting myself.