Apple just announced a 20-year plan to develop technology that actually allows grid-like manual organization of Home screen app icons.

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I found out why I’m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.


I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it.


I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one


Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas.


so people are okay with batman wearing a cape but when i do it i “need to put my hospital gown on the right way”


If the conversation gets too serious take your pants off.


Tell us a scary story!

Ok kids, gather around
*holds flashlight up to face
And I’ll tell you all that is evil

*puts wedding tape in VCR


Eating Doritos and watching Judge Judy in my underpants.

Whoa! Dude!

Why is Judge Judy in my house? And why is she wearing my underpants??