@noogscorner

Apple just announced a 20-year plan to develop technology that actually allows grid-like manual organization of Home screen app icons.

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@Sassafrantz

I found out why I’m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.

@SoAnyway1

I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it.

@Prof_Hinkley

I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one

@ExitThaWarrior

Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas.

@haleysfalling

so people are okay with batman wearing a cape but when i do it i “need to put my hospital gown on the right way”

@cloudcm

If the conversation gets too serious take your pants off.

@PaperWash

Tell us a scary story!

Ok kids, gather around
*holds flashlight up to face
And I’ll tell you all that is evil

*puts wedding tape in VCR

@Tups13

Eating Doritos and watching Judge Judy in my underpants.

Whoa! Dude!

Why is Judge Judy in my house? And why is she wearing my underpants??