@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
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@robdelaney: Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.
@kelkulus: India launched a rocket to Mars this morning. That's a heck of a place to put a call centre.
@ilovepie84: Whenever I test drive a car and the Salesman decides to come along, I lock the doors lock eyes and say "We ride together, we Die together."
@iloveskyrim71: I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark! Help! I just laughed, i knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.