Yog see woman
Yog ask woman out
Yog go on date
Yog fall in love
Yog act like an idiot
Yog get dumped
Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you’d better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise
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i hate when someone rings my doorbell because then i have to drop whatever i’m doing to be silent and pretend i’m not home.
Somewhere out there, there must be a toddler who has eaten all of their dinner after only being asked once. I want to believe.
Me: I would like a very different baby, please
Led Zeppelin’s “In My Time Of Dying” is my favorite song about a man with a touch of a cold.
My birthday’s 9 months after my dad’s. So I have to live with that knowledge.
My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word ‘unemployment’.
If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer “all sales are vinyl” until I was fired.
It would be worth it.
Me: I have 7 things to tell you about your house. Number 4 may shock you.
Customer: You are the worst electrician ever.
I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don’t have a garden.