@lovemyboots111

Are you guys sure common sense can’t be beaten into people ? Because I’d like to give it try!

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@joeldanger

Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot.

Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look.

H: …

@PhriendlyCody

dora: jeez we’re really lost

boots: dora i’m freezing

backpack: we need a fire

the map: what should we use to start it?

dora:

boots:

backpack:

the map: oh no

dora: *holding a lighter* this IS all your fault

@IvoryGazelle

Him: I love you so much I want to shout it from the mountaintop

Me: *knows about mountains* Literally no one will hear you up there

@electrolemon

“ONLY 90s KIDS WILL GET THIS” I say loudly as I gesture towards my crotch

@DiamondLou69

Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends.

@SonOfCha

When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it’s been there for years & set it free.

@Jez1

My boyfriend said we can’t hang out this weekend because he doesn’t exist.

@Jake_Vig

Bodyguard Idea:

Clowns. No one will come anywhere near you.