Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot.
Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look.
Are you guys sure common sense can’t be beaten into people ? Because I’d like to give it try!
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dora: jeez we’re really lost
boots: dora i’m freezing
backpack: we need a fire
the map: what should we use to start it?
the map: oh no
dora: *holding a lighter* this IS all your fault
Him: I love you so much I want to shout it from the mountaintop
Me: *knows about mountains* Literally no one will hear you up there
Apparently, occupants aren’t 8 legged pants for octopi
“ONLY 90s KIDS WILL GET THIS” I say loudly as I gesture towards my crotch
Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends.
When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it’s been there for years & set it free.
My boyfriend said we can’t hang out this weekend because he doesn’t exist.
Clowns. No one will come anywhere near you.
My middle finger will be answering all questions today!