HER: I absolutely love Star Wars
ME: Oh me too
HER: What’s your favorite part?
ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war
“Are You Hugging Me, Or Are You Trying to Wipe Snot on My Shirt?”
– A Novel About Living with Small Children
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“Are you good and hard for me yet?”
– me boiling eggs
Is there any reason why these two shouldn’t be wed?
* me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR
Weird…my son has been having nightmares about a clown hiding in his closet ever since I dressed like a clown and hid in his closet.
1-year-old: *throws a tantrum*
Me: This is the worst place for a meltdown.
Wife: Nuclear power plants?
Me: Second worst place.
Me: Damn. Another gray hair. *plucks it*
Old man standing next to me: Ouch!
2001 A Space Odyssey 2
The spaceship returns
HAL is just as uncooperative as ever.
He never works.
He becomes the basis for Windows 10.
Kinda pissed that I have to take my dog to the vet and not the dogtor.
I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.