@CantWaitToNap: “Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.
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@NervousJr: Told my mom "The D" stood for donuts, and now she won't stop telling people she wants the chocolate D.
@SamDeLanche: Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
@sammyrhodes: Watching Dora with the kids this morning. I wish her parents would just get her an iPhone.
@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome.