@ChickenFrecklez

Are you turned on?

Switch I might be!

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@BGH70

If you’re wondering what good can come from all of this, at least they’re now putting tamper seals on pizza boxes.

@ThisOneSayz

The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not.

@Phook75

If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they’d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.

@GreenishDuck

No one is more shocked that I brought my cat to a baseball game than my cat.

@truegritrumble

Greatest Fears:
-Sharks
-Ebola
-Bears
-Bear Sharks
-Bear Sharks with Ebola
-Sharks with Lazers
-Man carrying a clipboard on the sidewalks

@liv_thatsme

I’m having a green screen installed behind my couch, because, you know, I don’t ever feel like going out, but I wanna look like I do stuff.

@panmidwest

ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you…

GOD: [creates dog]

ANGEL: …and for how they actually do

GOD: [creates cat]