@TheOnion: Area 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana Offer
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@FrazzleMyGimp: ME: [ties a persons shoes together and then runs away] Haha PERSON: [puts on worlds fastest potato sack racer hat] ME: Oh no shit shit shit
@zachreinert03: One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that's pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious
@TheMichaelRock: When my car starts making weird noises I just assume it's becoming a Transformer.
@Jay1972Jay: My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink.