@gegtik: Area man gains z axis, becomes volume man, won't stop yelling
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@TankCesar: How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen? Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....
@HenpeckedHal: Me (internally): Please say bedridden, please say bedridden... Dr: You look great! See you again for a check up next year. Me: sigh
@Playing_Dad: [At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired.
@clairedaniellem: yo i hate honors college boys i just asked this guy “hey why aren’t koalas considered bears?” and he hits me with “they’re marsupials” shut up nerd the answer to the joke is “they don’t have the koalafications”