In every successful relationship the MAN always has the last word – “Yes Dear.”
[arguing w girlfriend]
Her: I feel like we have communication problems.
Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day.
You Might Also Like
Salesman: That’s our best selling couch.
Me: *sits* *bounces*
Salesman: What do you think?
Me: *grinning* Sofa so good.
Salesman: Please leave.
My parents, 2017:
“Put down your phone and hang out with your kids.”
My parents, 1989:
“Shhh, not now, we’re watching TV.”
Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????
Her: Dating is so hard now. There are so many weirdos out there, right?
Me: *loud prolonged dolphin screeching sound*
Me: (after eating 12 fudgesicles)
Ok. Time to get to work.
You: You can actually buy popsicle sticks at any craft store.
Me: Don’t question my art.
When a person says a book is so good they can’t put it down, but yet, are not holding that book.
This is why I have trust issues.
Doomsday prepper, smugly: When everyone else has died, my family will continue to suffer for upwards of 2-3 months
After all of the screaming I’ve done, you’d think that this roach would give it up and WANT to die.
Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying “Cute doggie” and realizing it’s their kid