@LoveNLunchmeat: Arguing with strangers on the internet is like yelling at a parking meter. I mean, I still do it sometimes, but nobody wins.
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@UncleDuke1969: Huh... I wonder if I should tell my friend that his back tattoo doesn’t say what he thinks it says.
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.
@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
@ASmallFiction: "Where do you get your ideas?" he said. "Same place you do," she said. "No, seriously-" "And I go early so I can take all the best ones."