The power of art = theory.
The power of power = praxis.
The the of the = philosophy.
ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
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Him: wtf are you eating?
Me: Cotton candy. *stuffing more in my mouth* The attic is full of it but I think it’s stale.
Doctor: Exactly how long have you been incontinent
Me: *pooping my pants* I’ve actually never left North America doc
The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I’m out of quarters.
The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don’t wanna die
Guns don’t avoid critical thinking by leaning on tired aphorisms. People do.
An avocado is a vegan kinder egg
If a server comes to my table and asks ‘hows everythin tasting?’ mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
Twitter is for people who don’t like to poop alone.
I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I’m praying they get laid