@Sorrowscopes: Aries: You will be visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They're all married, so don't even ask.
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@QuinOShea: When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you.
@TasiaBass28: Dig one moat around your house and everyone's all "you're being unreasonable" and "where did you get the alligators"
@markedly: Movie Theater: *lights go down* Me: *quietly removes entire thanksgiving feast from backpack*
@iGreenMonk: A boy met a girl She:Every time u smile, I feel like inviting u to my place He(smiling):Why thank u.. are u single? She:No, I'm a dentist