@Sorrowscopes: Aries: You will be visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They're all married, so don't even ask.
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@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all
@zebrasyndicate: Me: ...so anyway, the doctor said I might be lactose intolerant Mom: *hysterical crying* Dad: you’re a disgrace to the State of Wisconsin. Don’t come home for Thanksgiving. *slams down phone*
@OBiiieeee: [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no