duolingo: he is a boy
me: él es un niño
duolingo: she is a girl
me: ella es una niña
duolingo: can i make it anymore obvious
Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.
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I’ve been using a lot of moisturizer. I’m at aloe point in my life.
My neighbor said, wow that skeleton looks almost real and I said I know and to think it was almost free.
My cat and I have lots in common like how we both cry when we’re hungry and both put our ass in the air when it’s being rubbed.
There is this absolutely gorgeous girl at my gym but I never know how to start a conversation with her without looking like the annoying dude trying to hit on her while she works out so I’m thinking tonight I’m gonna drop a weight on my foot and ask her to take me to the hospital
I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all “oh she’s much thinner than I thought, I’ll adjust the numbers.”
Had a date planned for tonight but he got electrocuted at work.
The things men do to avoid hanging out with me is amazing.
Nike is coming out with a line
of Air Brady football shoes.
They have a built in suspension feature.
You just have to let some air out.
I don’t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work… There’s never any left when he comes home.
Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he’s homeless.