A journey of a thousand miles
running back in the house for
something you forgot.
(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today’s pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)
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HER: I like a man who’s well-informed.
ME: [trying to impress] The couple at the next table are getting a divorce.
I guess I’m getting old. Now when I hear “Pour Some Sugar On Me” I think of 2 things. Who’s cleaning it up and I hope we don’t get ants.
Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.
Microwave sparked and is suddenly dead, now I really have no idea what time it is.
age 12: fell off of bike at high velocity onto gravel road. biked 5 miles home
age 42: used wrong pillow. back was nonfunctional for 2 days.
its been 20 yrs since Celine Dion released “I’m In Love With A Boat”, from the movie “Big Stupid Boat”
In the 17th century, villagers would burn down entire neighborhoods to combat diseases such as bubonic plague, typhus, and gluten.
Stop putting cauliflower where there once was something delicious.