@EverydayGirlDad

As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I’d lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry.

You Might Also Like

@thetigersez

Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.

@anerdonfire2

As we start gaining speed in the bobsled, I realize it was a mistake to bullshit my way into this.

@DrakeGatsby

Maps used to say cool stuff like “Here Be Dragons.” Now they just say bullshit like “Portugal.”

@

a:1:{s:7:”retweet”;i:2;}

@LnL245

M: Um, you just spelled “qwerty” as “querty”.
H: So?
M: Look at the keyboard.
H: And?

M: [Breaking fourth wall look to camera]

@BeckFlatley

I heard if you click that little follow button, Twitter releases one of the captive birds it uses for its logo. Do the right thing.

@donni

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it’s every man for himself