@hipstermermaid: As a millennial, most people assume I am desperate for praise, but the secret is: I would be totally fine with money.
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@KentWGraham: If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.
@marebytes: Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing.
@Donnie_Fairburn: The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days
@LostCatDog: Cop leans over body: Looks like *removes shades* cement poisoning Or a case *removes mustache* of gravity Or *removes teeth* aaah gaah bwaa