@hipstermermaid: As a millennial, most people assume I am desperate for praise, but the secret is: I would be totally fine with money.
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@KevinFarzad: The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
@AndrewNadeau0: MY WIFE:We named you after our favorite songs. You were mine LAYLA: I love that ME: And you mine THEME FROM DUCKTALES: No, yeah, I figured
@TheRealRobG: If I ignored your call, please send me a text that says "I called you.".... (sarcasm)
@envydatropic: People are asking me questions like they can't see the FULL cup of coffee on my desk.