As a millennial, most people assume I am desperate for praise, but the secret is: I would be totally fine with money.
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Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can’t see you anymore. I won’t let you hurt me again.
Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up.
*fighting with the husband*
He: deal with it!!
Me: oh yeah??? *calls parents and invites them for a long weekend*
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
I don’t want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
*sets down half eaten bag of potato chips on the elliptical*
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.