“You accept unused items as well, right?”, I ask the Goodwill employee as I hand her a stack of recipe books.
As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.
I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”
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Fact: The best tuna fish salad recipe is the combination of ingredients that best covers up the taste of the tuna.
It will turn green in
Ah yes nailed it.
Warm pools make me nervous.
Yes, but it was never about money
12: Dad, if Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of god, didn’t Mary have a little lamb?
Me: And you came with a no return policy
What I said: let’s cuddle
What my toddler heard: let’s practice karate moves on moms gut
My mom said I gained weight so I told her I was pregnant. Now I’ve got like 8 months to prepare to raise a fake baby.
*Digging my own grave* sounds like a lot of exercise just to lie down.
[first cat being domesticated]
What’s that thing your petting?
“It’s called a cat”
Do they bite?
“Oh ya LOL all the time!”