@3sunzzz

As I sit in this coffee shop practicing for my Sign Language final it occurs to me, all of these people probably think that I’m talking to myself.

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@SuperApple8

In my dreams, my balloons come back down and apologize for leaving me.

@AndreyasAsylum

My rabbits are hot and they aren’t happy about it. I’ve got hot cross buns.

I’ll see myself out.

@_Tempo11

If it looks like I’m typing for five minutes I’m really just trying to spell diarrhea.

@squirrel74wkgn

*presses close elevator button*
*presses close elevator button*
*presses close elevator button*
*presses close elevator button*
*presses close elevator button*

Wife (out of breath): Thanks for holding the elevator open

Me: No problem

@sweatsntopknots

Dear plastic wrap,

I wish you’d cling to something other than yourself.

– me

@drayzze

Distance sucks

Unless you don’t like each other

Then it’s pretty okay

@Darlainky

Sure my kids were embarrassed when I asked to have a manager come to our table, but the menu didn’t list a 50¢ charge for extra ranch dressing and I’m hella pissed.